I am not sure what the statistics are on mothers in PhD programs. It's probably a very small (but growing) minority of PhD students, and of mothers. There is probably an even smaller contingent of us whose spouses are in the same field of science. How about mothers who have gone back to get their PhD after their spouse has done a postdoc or two? Recent studies have shown that being part of an academic couple does not hinder men the way it hinders women: women tend to be the "trailing spouse". I am a trailing spouse. I had my first child towards the end of my master's degree, then worked as a technician (health insurance, yeah!) and had our second son while my husband finished his PhD and did a couple postdocs. Now we are at a new university, where my husband finally got a tenure-track job, and I am writing my PhD dissertation from afar. I have also taken a lecturer position at the new university, so am "faculty" as well. My husband is an awesome husband, father, and scientist. He has endless energy and takes really good care of the kids when I am busy. He also volunteers in our sons' classes, which is some of the explanation for what happened today.
My 9-year old son did a science unit last week where the kids made collages, word clouds, poems, and wrote letters about what it means to be a scientist. Here is my son's letter to his teacher:
9/11/2014
Dear Mrs. H.,
I consider myself to be a scientist. My dad is a scientist and sometimes I go into his lab. We do experiments. One time I did a science convention in Alabama with my friends and dad. We did an experiment on the Global Conveyor Belt.
Also in Alabama my dad came into my class to do experiments. We did an experiment on phytoplankton. We saw if they reproduced better in four conditions. These conditions were cold and dark, light and cold, hot and dark, and light and hot. They reproduced the most in the cold and dark condition, so they like the cold and dark the most. We also even made goo!
Sincerely, your future scientist,
I.
Other than being insanely proud of my son's great grammar, sentence structure, spelling, enthusiasm, and the fact that he remembered (OK, not completely accurately) the results of his class's experiment, I have to admit that I felt a little hurt. Hurt at the fact that he never mentioned that his mother is a scientist, too. And the fact that I was at the "convention" in Alabama too, driving the kids there and helping the kids with the demonstrations. And the fact that maybe I felt like I just haven't had the time to spend in my son's classroom starting up new science programs, because I'm so busy juggling my PhD coursework, insane fieldwork, and transporting my kids to/from activities, just being "Mom".
I asked my son after reading this, if he knows what I do for a living. He looked confused and said, "I know you're an Ecologist, but I don't really know what you do." He acted a little embarrassed. I told him that's OK, it's not a quiz or anything. He went off to read his book. But I feel sad about this. My kids can't come on the boat to do fieldwork with me, but I have told them stories and shown them pictures of me in the field. They have been to the lab where I did my PhD research dozens of times. My older son helped me prepare equipment and even weigh samples on some days off school. I have shown them the animals and samples I work with, and they have been on a public boat trip in the Reserve where I work. I spend a lot of time on the computer and going to conferences like my husband, and now I am teaching undergraduates like him. I do not have my own lab, and haven't brought experiments to my older son's class.
And so, my son doesn't think of me when he thinks "scientist".
I wonder what he thinks I am doing all day?
